Once Upon A Time...

There is something about that phrase, isn't there? We want to groan - it's so cliche, but at the same time it means that something quintessentially magic is about to happen.

I have loved fairytales since I was tiny - I can't even remember when I first started reading them. My grandparents had a collection of the most amazing anthologies of fairytales - not just your standard Grimms Fairytales Everyone Knows Because Disney Made Them Into Movies, but gorgeous odd things from all over the world - fantastical and sometimes terrifying. I adored those books and would spend my holidays with my grandparents visiting them like old friends.

At the same time, I was (and still am) something of a literalist. For instance: when I saw Home Alone - I worried about the repercussions of Alvin spending his father's money, in Annie I was trying to figure out exactly how many bottles of alcohol one would need to fill a bath, and in Bambi I actually seriously was concerned for the ecological implications of the forest fire. I grew up, after all, without Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus or Easter Bunny. My parents felt these traditions were - in fact - lying (as, let's face it, they are) and so were always quite honest about the fact that fairies don't exist, Santa isn't real, and no - there is no magical tooth-dealing system, we just give you money.

And so - here in this blog I intend to bring the two things together to create a literalist's commentary on Fairy Tales. It will be split up into the following sections: the Fairytale Review section - where I review a fairytale with literal commentary and include any odd bits and pieces about origins and symbolism that I find appropriate; the Conversation, or What They Should Have Said section - where I explore a mock impression of how some of those awkward moments might have gone, like how the Prince in Snow White explained his reasons for wanting a dead girl's body to her dwarf friends; the This Week's Survival Lesson section - where I see what lessons we can learn from fairytales, such as when it is a good idea and when it is a bad idea to listen to creepy old ladies; and the Idiot Prizes, Side-Characters More Interesting Than The Main Character, or How Disturbing Is That?? section which is a basic hodgepodge of moronic moments, interesting side characters or Really Surprisingly Disturbing Things To Happen Considering This Is For Children.

Apart from this, I will also link to other fairytale related site, and occasionally review plays, movies, novels or even webcomics. I hope you enjoy the ride and can share my amusement and adoration of these curious odd and wonderful stories.