Coversations #2 The Frog King

Another title for this fairy tale is 'Iron Heinrich' because even the Grimms could see that the most interesting and dynamic character in the whole story was Iron Heinrich at the end with his crazy iron bands.

As a side note, there are a couple more occasional themes I'm going to post about. I want to review movies made based on the story I'm reviewing - in this case most likely the Hallmark 'Frog Prince' and Disney's 'Princess and the Frog'; and I've also been asked to explore the lives of my More Interesting Side Characters, so there will be the occasional drabble or short story about them, their lives, and their motivations. Yes. Including The Horse from Faithful John.

Conversations:

#1:

I imagine this as a conversation happening around the beginning of the story. Scene: Daytime interior castle, King in throne, daughters playing music and doing needlework, enter Princess Jeanie!

Jeanie: Daaad....

King: *clears throat*

Jeanie: Oh. Sorry. Um. Your Majesty...

King: Yes, sunblossom?

Jeanie: Can I sta...

King: _May_, peachgoodness.

Jeanie: _May_ I stay inside and learn the lute today?

King: *puts down paper and takes off reading glasses, replaces these with 'glasses that are so loose I can look over the top of them at you' bought at the very same store Dumbledore shops at* Why applesnap, whatever is the matter with that golden ball I had made especially for you?

Jeanie: *looks at ball* ...it's really heavy, dad... it makes my arms hurt...

King: Builds character.

Jeanie: It's building my triceps too.

King: All princes like their princesses to have a little meat on them, honeysugarpie.

Jeanie: Not when I can armwrestle them, dad.

King: Nonsense! Gold and old wells are the best thing for a gell, it's what my mother swore by. Now go outside and play, you're far too pale.

Jeanie: But...

King: No buts!

#2:

Set shortly after Jeanie and His Frogship drive off in the carriage.

Jeanie: So - um - I've got to marry you now?

Frogship: That's right.

Jeanie: But I don't know you.

Frogship: That really doesn't matter, dear thing, we'll grow to love and adore each other within days.

Jeanie: Days?

Frogship: If not hours, it's how things work.

Jeanie: *pause* What if I say I don't want to marry you?

Frogship: Then I turn back into a frog and live with you the rest of your life anyway! *large white-toothed grin*

Jeanie: *gulp* .......so - about my gown for the wedding....

Poor Jeanie. She should have run off with Henry.

Conversations #1 Faithful John

With Conversations/What They Should Have Said, depending on the fairytale of the moment it will either be conversation I imagine happening off screen or things which the characters said which might have been better put another way (Grandma.... what I'm trying to say is that you're a wolf.). With Faithful John - since it is the prototype and is full of so much crazy, I'm going to present an example of both.

The fairytale review will not necessarily always be the fairytale used for Conversations, or Morals or so forth. For this first batch, though, Faithful John is just too good a source material not to use it as illustration.

Conversations In Faithful John:

#1.
The conversation between Maude (see review for who that is) and her serving girl when said serving girl reports on the funny guy at the well with the pretty gold stuff.

Serving Girl: Ma'am - you won't believe what I...
Princess Maude: Gold?
Serving Girl: Well yes, ma'am, that's what I wanted to tell you ab...
Princess Maude: Gold! Gold!!
Serving Girl: Ma'am - there's a man in the courtyard with some...
Princess Maude: Gold!
Serving Girl: *sigh* Yes ma'am...
Princess Maude: *squeal of delight, runs from the room towards the courtyard*

That, anyway, is how I think it happened. This girl was obsessed with gold and might possibly have secretly been one of Terry Pratchett's dwarves.

#2:

Another possible conversation once the ship has set sail:

Maude: Wait.... we're moving! Oh my goodness we're moving!
Prince: *blinks* Well... yes. We've been moving for - oh, four hours now.
Maude: Why didn't you tell me?
Prince: Ma'am, we're on a frigate. How could you not tell?
Maude: *haughtily* You must want ransom, sir! I tell you, our father will give you what you desire so long as you return me unharmed.
Prince: *looks around chamber full of gold* Um - no. We don't need any more gold...
Maude: *eyes glaze over* Gold!
Prince: Actually, I want to marry you.
Maude: And you thought kidnapping was an appropriate start? Wait! You're a merchant! I can't marry a merchant, you'll sell all my gold!
Prince: No! No no, I'm a king! I'm really a king! The merchant thing was all a ruse to trick you into enterring my ship... so um... I could... um... sail off with you.
Maude: *much suspicion* So I can keep the gold?
Prince: Of course!
Maude: All right then!

Because I figure her only possible reason for not wanting to marry a merchant must have has something to do with that gold. Let's be frank here, princesses are not that picky. Farmboys, tailors, fools, hedgehogs, bears, and bulls. All married with very little complaint.

What They Should Have Said:

#1

Prince: John! I will die if I do not marry this princess! You must help me!
John: Sire - that's stupid.
Prince: How dare you! I love her more than life itself!
John: But you've only just seen her pict *pause* ...I'm going to get the doctors, sire. You'll be all right, I promise. You'll be all right.

#2

Statue: So. Child sacrifice. That's the only way to save me.
Prince: What kind of stupid, evil, amoral cure to a spell is that?
Statue: Eh. That's how the cookie crumbles.
Prince: But you swore to protect me even if it should cost you your life! And suddenly now you want to renege on that and kill my children?
Statue: Welllll...
Prince: I have a new idea! Stonemasons! Turn this statue into a vase!

Because really. Who falls in love with pictures and listens when statues tell them to kill their children? That's a whole new sort of defense in court: 'Your honour, that statue made me do it!'