The Short Review 1, Grimms 02 and Grimms 03

Okay - first off? I have to say it's both bewildering and rather scary to find out that people talk about you on the internet. So odd. *tips hat to various people* 124!!! :)

This said - on with the short reviews!

Grimms Fairy Tale 2 - Cat and Mouse In Partnership
Okay. I'm not doing a full review of this story because it can be summed up as: Cat and mouse are friends and buy a bowl of fat. Cat eats fat in three sessions and fools mouse. Then eats mouse. The end. There's even a really silly bit where the cat pretends eating the fat is going to christenings and names each kitten after how much fat is left (i.e. 'Skin Off' and 'All Gone'). It's all right Mouse. We all knew this partnership couldn't last.

Grimms Fairy Tale 3 - Mary's Child
I'm not fully reviewing this one because the Virgin Mary is kind of a central figure. She brings up our Main Character and actively psychologically TORMENTS the girls and steals her children!
You think I'm kidding.
No - I can tell. in your face. That there. That says 'Raven, you are kidding me'.
Uh uh. So there's this woodcutter and his wife, right? They live in the forest, right? They have a kid they can't afford to feed, but can totally afford to just feed themselves we can tell because when the Virgin Mary appears to the father she doesn't give them food she just asks for the girl. Very helpful. Anyway, the farmer gives her the child because you don't mess with the Virgin Mary and the child grows up in heaven. One would think this would be a very good influence on a young mind.
When she's 14, Mary gives her the keys (13 keys) to the doors of heaven (because heaven is small) and goes away, telling her she can open any door of heavenexcept the thirteenth floor which she must surely not open... is this sounding familiar?
Anyway. mary leaves a minor in charge of heaven. She goes to visit all 12 apostles in each room, hangs with the angels and then decides to peek into the 13th where the Holy Trinity is... theologically this is very unsound. Anyway, she touches the glow and her finger turns gold and she freaks. Long story short, the gold won't wash off (no kidding, dear.) and Mary asks her if she peeked but she won't admit it and is kicked out of heaven.

One would think losing her home would be punishment enough, huh?

Nope. Mary is not finished.

Anyway the girl gets trapped in a wilderness where she lives for years until she has no clothes and is covered with her hair alone. Godiva-ish. You know the way. E ventually a king comes along because HEY new Wilderness to explore where I may find a wild maiden to marry who is totally nekkid!!! Cool beans! and takes her home and marries her. They have a child in due course and Mary steals her. Yes. Mary steals this poor girl's baby. Of course if the girl had ONLY said she peeked through the 13th door none of this would happen, but she doesn't and everyone thinks she ate her baby.

Rinse.

Wash.

Repeat.

Three times Mary kidnaps innocent babies from their momma and seals her tongue so she can't deny it. With the third baby she takes the girl to heaven to see her children playing around and the girl STILL won't admit to something EVERYONE KNOWS SHE DID! I don't know what penalty she's hoping to escape here, what worse can happen to her?

Anyway, she's being burned at the stake for cannibalism, decides to confess and Mary puts out the fire and returns the kids. Strange weird scary story this is.

The Return of the Raven

So - to all those people who read this blog, I am officially back. What happened, you ask? Well first I got sick with a flu which turned out to be tonsilitis. Then I was in a play, then Christmas and now I am out of excuses and I am back.

This is a short post to introduce some new styles of post for the new year.

1. The Short Review

In the short review, I'll review 5-10 fairy tales which i don't think are going to quite make a full review either because they're too short, or because they're simply too strange or not strange enough.

2. What Happened Next??

Based on the most popular of the Side-Characters More Interesting Than The Main Characters, which you can influence by telling me what you like, I will write some short little pieces on what I think happened to them next.

3. Yes, There's A Film!

I'm a little behind here, but the idea is to find a film or television treatment of the story I've done a ful review of, and review that in turn.

So! That is what you have to look forwards to in the new year! Thank you for still reading!!

-The Raven